Kicks. Lots of them. This baby is ACTIVE, I tell ya. I started feeling movement around 20 weeks or so. And it is such a strange and exciting feeling! Before that point, I would find myself wondering, “Is the baby still okay in there?” At times, it was hard to connect with the baby when I couldn’t see or feel it on a daily basis. So I just had to trust that things were fine. Now, each movement is a soft reminder that things are okay in there.
So, I originally started writing this blog post before a lot of the protests and riots started to happen. And I was comparing the early part of my pregnancy, when I couldn’t feel movements from baby yet, to feeling disconnected from people during the pandemic stay-at-home orders. But as the news about protests and riots became more and more intense and the divide between Americans seemed to get stronger, I felt compelled to write about something else.
I decided to focus on the future. And how I can do my part as a mom to raise one more person who is loving and accepting of ALL people. Someone who won’t judge another person solely based on the color of their skin. Someone who yearns for equality, justice and peace. And someone who is willing to stand up for what’s right.
There is so much I hope for my child to be — smart, kind, humble, etc. What I’m realizing is a lot of the things I want my child to be, I have to be able to model for him/her. Because kids seem to learn so much more by observation than just being told what to do. So really, this becoming a mom thing is a little bit of a self check-up. Am I being the type of person I want my child to imitate? Do I greet everyone with a smile or only those who look like me? Do I make judgmental comments toward people who are different from me or do I comment about the good I see in them? Am I making an effort to fight for what’s right or do I simply sit on the sidelines and watch as bad things happen?
The further along I get in this pregnancy, the more I realize how much my actions (even the simplest ones) are going to affect this child. As I pray for this baby and the person I hope he/she becomes, I am now beginning to pray that I model the same behavior I want him/her to have. Because change must first happen in the heart before it can be addressed anywhere else.
As I continue to reflect on the this, I hope I don't find much I need to change about myself. But I do hope I have the courage to acknowledge and address any offense I find. It's no longer just about me becoming a better person — it's about raising a better person.